Ends of the
Earth Tx is firmly in my rear view window. A restraining order puts the kibosh
to many a plan. His father obtained a restraining order for ‘elder abuse’. On what basis? I have no idea. I am peaceful and content now and healing from the wounds that
we were put through. Being the INTJ I am, I needed intellectual thought to make
sense of the emotions. Using my secret power, Googling ability, I searched for any information on aging OCPD personalities, I came across Elder Rage,Or Take My Father Please! Howto Survive Caring for Aging Parents by Jacqueline Marcell. Ms. Marcell never
uses the term OCPD in her book, but so much of the behavior of her father fit my situation.
The truest quote from the book, "Actually, we see this kind of thing all the time when dominating elderly men rebel as they lose their control.’Yes, my FIL attempted to keep control with smooth charm, lies, manipulation and bad temper.
I have a
framed card of an unattractive old woman on a park bench with a quote from May
L. Becker.
It drives home the reality that our life-long character traits just follow us right into old age—often getting intensified and distorted, particularly with the onset of dementia. His father hated change and he was beyond stubborn. It was against all odds to ever win an argument with him. No one ever challenged his father and came out a winner.
"We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves.
It drives home the reality that our life-long character traits just follow us right into old age—often getting intensified and distorted, particularly with the onset of dementia. His father hated change and he was beyond stubborn. It was against all odds to ever win an argument with him. No one ever challenged his father and came out a winner.
And I was
dealing with two controlling people who are technically mentally ill, who
thrive on argument, leaving reason and logic behind for the sake of debate, who do not respond at all well
to criticism or perceived affronts. Have I questioned my sanity in the presence
of those two? Yes, but I also realized I was the only sane person in the house. I'm just glad it is over.
(Update: At first my husband stated he would not take any calls from his father. He has softened a bit and the two occasionally talk now. My husband has stated he will not assist his father in any way in the future, no matter his need. As of today, my FIL has had four additional hospitalizations due to his deteriorating health. He has not asked for assistance or even desires that we be informed. He refuses to slow down. The only way this will end is a visit from Joe Black.)
(Update: At first my husband stated he would not take any calls from his father. He has softened a bit and the two occasionally talk now. My husband has stated he will not assist his father in any way in the future, no matter his need. As of today, my FIL has had four additional hospitalizations due to his deteriorating health. He has not asked for assistance or even desires that we be informed. He refuses to slow down. The only way this will end is a visit from Joe Black.)
