No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed

I watched a man die. It was quick and I hope painless, stress free, and with no fear. He took gaspy breaths as the machine registered falling O2 saturation numbers. I know it was a hard decision for my brother-in-law to make.  Truly, being connected to oxygen was only maintaining the body. The person had left the building a day or two earlier. He made sure his father was comfortable by having morphine injected before the nurse removed the oxygen. We four stood silent vigil until it was zero and the pulse in the neck was silent. All gone. Not a great memory for my life, but one of those milestones people have before their own deaths, saying goodbye to the previous generation.

"Two little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said:
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

The last monkey between me and the edge has gone. I learned some things watching this unfold over the last year.

• Be Kind and Loving. As Maya Angelou said, 'I've learned people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.' I want the last memories of me to be cherished forever by family and friends. Not regrets.  My father in law and husband were on speaking terms before the end, but it was uneasy. I will resolve issues so my passing is untroubled.
• Accept the Limitations of Age. No stubbornness. No denial.  I will accept the limitations age has brought me. I will accept assistance. The hard one would be if I had to move to receive that assistance. 
• Have Financial Affairs in Order. It was a shock to find a savings account designated to the girlfriend as beneficiary when FIL left debts behind. I will have my important papers in one location. My finances will not be secret from my children.
• Distribution of My Possessions. My own grandmother showed me the way. She was dying from cancer and set things aside for each of us when we came to visit. I will do the same. Distribute my things while I am still alive. FIL was so fearful to lose his things. Things he had no use for any longer. (For instance, a 4 wheeler that was not being used, in disrepair, which BIL offered to BUY at one time.) Accusing his own sons of attempting to steal them. Guess what FIL? Within 24 hours, it was done. All done. Touch, touch, touch. Everything with value collected and distributed. (BIL did get the 4 wheeler.) I cried the whole day. First, to see the state the home was in, what a mess, knowing it did not have to be that way. I would have kept it cleaner and cooked. Not the cookies and junk he was eating just prior to the last hospital stay. I was sad for him because he could not let go. All his things were flying out the door without his voice. Now comes the really hard part of cleaning the detritus left behind.   
• The Big One.  I will plan my own funeral. My dad showed me the way. He chose cremation with a twist. He had red and white striped flannel jamies and a Teddy bear to go with him. He prepared a necklace of cinnamon sticks for himself and the bear since they were to become toast, why not cinnamon toast? Classy. FIL will have a memorial next week. I will go because I love my husband's family, not so much for a stubborn old man.

Please check out these two websites for more information. Preparing for Dying and a worksheet for organizing personal data and end of life wishes.