Reflections

My spouse and I are driving to the pharmacy late at night. We pass a house with a red porch light. Course the inevitable association of red light districts is mentioned by him.

I inquired if he visited the red light district in the one European country he visited long before we were married.Did he do a 'bit of window shopping'. He replies in the positive.

Silence. Driving. 

Should I ask the next question? Sure, why not? I inquired did you do a 'bit of purchasing'? He declined to answer as it was 'none of my business'. 

I still learned things. You can't answer the 'if' part of the equation and decline the 'then'. If you want example sentences using if-then, then I'll give you a few.

• If you don't behave, then you'll be grounded.
• If you don't have the keys for the car, then it will be difficult to start the vehicle.
• If the batteries are dead, then the TV remote won't work.
• If you skydive without a parachute, then you'll have a really bad day.
• If you run into a brick wall, then a visit to the hospital will probably follow.
• If you window shopped, then you probably bought.

Take My Father-In-Law Please

Ends of the Earth Tx is firmly in my rear view window. A restraining order puts the kibosh to many a plan. His father obtained a restraining order for ‘elder abuse’. On what basis? I have no idea. I am peaceful and content now and healing from the wounds that we were put through. Being the INTJ I am, I needed intellectual thought to make sense of the emotions. Using my secret power, Googling ability, I searched for any information on aging OCPD personalities, I came across Elder Rage,Or Take My Father Please! Howto Survive Caring for Aging Parents by Jacqueline Marcell. Ms. Marcell never uses the term OCPD in her book, but so much of the behavior of her father fit my situation. The truest quote from the book, 

"Actually, we see this kind of thing all the time when dominating elderly men rebel as they lose their control.’  

Yes, my FIL attempted to keep control with smooth charm, lies, manipulation and bad temper.

I have a framed card of an unattractive old woman on a park bench with a quote from May L. Becker. 

"We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves.

It drives home the reality that our life-long character traits just follow us right into old age—often getting intensified and distorted, particularly with the onset of dementia. His father hated change and he was beyond stubborn. It was against all odds to ever win an argument with him. No one ever challenged his father and came out a winner.

And I was dealing with two controlling people who are technically mentally ill, who thrive on argument, leaving reason and logic behind for the sake of debate, who do not respond at all well to criticism or perceived affronts. Have I questioned my sanity in the presence of those two? Yes, but I also realized I was the only sane person in the house. I'm just glad it is over.

(Update: At first my husband stated he would not take any calls from his father. He has softened a bit and the two occasionally talk now. My husband has stated he will not assist his father in any way in the future, no matter his need. As of today, my FIL has had four additional hospitalizations due to his deteriorating health. He has not asked for assistance or even desires that we be informed. He refuses to slow down. The only way this will end is a visit from Joe Black.)

Reflections

I had forgotten about the movie 'Nell'.  Jodie Foster is a woman who was raised in the woods with no human contact except her speech-impaired mother. The movie covers a familiar `fish out of water` story unlocking Nell's soul and then taking her into the modern world. I enjoyed the solitude and the tremendous space of green forests.The film builds to a heartrending and passionate, rather unrealistic, courtroom self-defense speech by Nell, in which she calls the principles of modern civilization itself into question.

"You have big things. You know big things. But you don't look into each others eyes. And you're hungry for quietness.'

Ya, right. I'm about to live in the hungry quiet of Ends Of The Earth Texas. Maybe I'll go show my breasts in a pool hall.

I Believe in Kindness, Love and the Human Spirit

I have an acquaintance who is an atheist. Not that there is anything wrong with that. 

What is wrong is her choice of entertainment. She likes to 'troll' Christian web pages leaving comments. I assumed trolling was something unpleasant because literature has depicted these creatures as ugly and slow-witted. Urban Dictionary gave me this description:

"the art of deliberately, cleverly, and secretly pissing people off, usually via the internet, using dialogue.

Trolling is the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet. She likes to use the knowledge gained from association with family members who were doctors in theology and divinity for debate, or rather berate. It is an amusement.
We are human beings, intelligent and self-aware, possessing both reason and emotion, with the potential for immense good as well as terrible evil. I am sad about her choice of paths, her rejection of 'myths', has not made her a kinder or gentler person. If she believes religion is harming people on the earth, holding back human advancement, replacing it with bullying is not the way to go.

"I believe in kindness, love, and the human spirit and their ability to overcome challenges and adversity and to create a better world. --The Atheist Creed

Humor Raisins

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.