Reflections

Been watching the seasons of the MTV Catfish show. Wondering if I should become involved in online dating. You never know who you are talking to, except I'd be the one to research and track a catfish. I'm not naive or foolish. The power of an INTJ woman.

Reflections

I returned to my place of former employment and slacker coworker stopped me and chatted. She explained how her new coworker makes her regret how she treated me. She misses me. 

"Wow. 

I felt nothing. No triumph. No justification. No regrets. We wear the chains we forged in life. One day you wake up and realize what you missed. And it's going to be too late. I wished her well.

Reflections

There are times I really, really hate life, my life. My part time job has now turned into a full time plus overtime job. I work nine hours plus, five days a week. The exhaustion is returning. The anger. The joyless existence I had when I worked at the hospital. I have no life again.  

I've been struggling to complete a new post for this blog, I have a sewing project on hold, I have housework piling up...My brain has gone numb.  It is not worth those big paychecks I get. 

Today I thought I escaped the mandatory overtime since I did not get the phone call to carry on. But NO!!!! they called me late and said to carry on.... So I don't get to snooze a bit more which my body is crying for. Rest, lady, rest. Seems like the only real rest I will get is in the grave. I can see my headstone now. Here lies a lady who made big paychecks but wasted her life.

You big cry baby. Pardon me a moment...Waaaah!! Cathartic.

Reflections

I had forgotten about the movie 'Nell'.  Jodie Foster is a woman who was raised in the woods with no human contact except her speech-impaired mother. The movie covers a familiar `fish out of water` story unlocking Nell's soul and then taking her into the modern world. I enjoyed the solitude and the tremendous space of green forests.The film builds to a heartrending and passionate, rather unrealistic, courtroom self-defense speech by Nell, in which she calls the principles of modern civilization itself into question.

"You have big things. You know big things. But you don't look into each others eyes. And you're hungry for quietness.'

Ya, right. I'm about to live in the hungry quiet of Ends Of The Earth Texas. Maybe I'll go show my breasts in a pool hall.

Reflections

I got wrote up today at work for absences. So they make me sick with perfumes and other scented products then write me up when I have to go home and recover. Niiii-cccccce. I went to HR and picked up an application for FMLA. It's a job condom. Protection from being screwed.

Reflections

It felt good, real good. I was speaking to the Director over all the physician offices. She asked me 'where I was going?' How did she learn I was taking a new job? Several  doctor's offices had called to complain I was leaving. Yeay me! I explained I was going to learn the billing side of our office. She looked incredibly interested. So now my future boss definitely knows how valuable I am plus I am gaining a new skill her department needs. Double yeay me!

P.S. When the Director of Radiology heard I was leaving he remarked, 'Now Radiology is going to hell.'

This makes me angry. Why does my department make 'exceptions' for mediocrity and not exceptionality? Management allows slacker coworker to remain knowing of her errors, knowing I have a higher call volume because doctors' offices are aware of her mediocrity. Yet it would not be fair if I was exempted from having to register on my week. 

P.S.S. I have to put these things behind me.

Reflections

Living well is the best revenge against an abusive co-worker. I originally tore up her crappy little note, but had second thoughts. I carefully taped the pieces back together and made several copies of it. Revenge office-style requires patience, delicacy and careful planning. I knew somehow I could use it against her. I didn't want to appear unhinged or mentally deranged. It would do no good to go to my supervisor. Nothing would be done. 

Nothing was done about her very loud verbal attack on me or the resulting hospitalization. I posted her crappy little note over my desk. When I came in the next morning, it was gone. I put up another one. Under it I had a post it note with these words. 'I have endless copies'. The second one didn't disappear until midmorning. I put up a third one. Later that afternoon she was dealing with my bestie when she saw the note. She stopped in midsentence, speechless, then turned and muttered something about wishing our supervisor would do something about me. I chuckled. I fist pumped a silent woo-woo! It felt good to get a little back. I took down the sign. It was enough.

Reflections

I am having a panic attack triggered by the crappy note left on my desk this morning by Princess Bonnie. I only have to get to December 2nd, my official moving day to the new job. One mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi... the days can't count down fast enough! My doctor is phoning a prescription for Valium to my pharmacy. I wish I was strong when jealous haters talk shit about me I just laugh. Join the fan club Bitch!

Reflections

He is upping the behavior, but I expected that. He keeps shutting the bedroom door so I don't get any heat. Every time I open it, he closes it. If I am going to be cold, might as well go to the storeroom and start sorting, disposing, donating and packing.

Reflections

College student Ming takes off on his bike for a seven-day trip to circle the island of Taiwan, relying on his wits and the kindness of strangers along the way. A lyrical film composed of random encounters and small moments, ISLAND ETUDE, captures that romantic period in life when one is free to roam and seek adventure. Ming never gives any real reason for his trip other than that he would never be able to do it if he doesn't seize the chance now, and he simply leaves it at that, for the joy of internal satisfaction. As much as it sounds like a cliché, the audience is left to focus on the journey rather than the destination.

Living in a desert, I appreciate the greenery, the frequent raindrops on pavement and roof, and the ocean waves as Ming bikes along the coastline. My favorite moment is of a family sharing a picnic with Ming. The father quotes from a story I treasure.

"In the morning the sun’s golden rays glitter on the ocean. Thousands of seagulls came out for food, fighting over a tiny fish or bread crumbs. Shrieking and shouting, no one would budge. Jonathon was disgusted by it. He left them behind, practicing flying alone, pursuing an ideal.

The daughter asks, ‘Dad, what are you reciting?’

He names the book telling her she will read it in the sixth grade. He continues, ‘Jonathon is a very special seagull. He’d rather be alone pursuing his ideal. Practices alone. Ignores others ridicule. His only hope is to fly higher, farther and with style.

This is a visually restful movie. One should seize the chance to be like Ming. Watch this movie for no other reason than internal satisfaction.

Reflections

The turkey vultures will be here for a few weeks. The air was particularly violent as a low front pushed through. It's perfect weather for thermal updrafts and the thrill of soaring.

Reflections

I am house sitting for a week. When will I ever learn to say no?

Reflections

I am listening to disco and contemplating becoming a hermit. How would one go about becoming a hermit in the modern world?

p.s. Why did the skeleton go to the disco? He heard it was a hip joint.