DRY = Don't Repeat Yourself. It's a software engineering principle* and a reminder. Just because he is watching a movie my son loved as a child does not mean I can mention it to him again. I already told him that. Same story over and over. I was enjoying a happy memory and wanted to share the laughter of that day. Please don't in the future.
*Thank you Mark Snead for the info on the software principle. It is a variation of the principle I know as Only Handle It Once.
Remember to ask, 'I am going to [insert location]. Want to come with me?' Or else be prepared to wait for whenever he gets around to deciding it's time to leave. Frustration, it's what's for dinner.
Mom always said if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And people wonder why I am so quiet!
Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher claimed that a good tragic play must arouse pity from the audience, adding that the best way to accomplish this was through the usage of dramatic irony. I present the following three act play for your enjoyment.
Characters [Husband and Wife]
Act One [Scene: Parking lot of national pharmaceutical chain. Husband and wife stand next to vehicle. Another vehicle approaches. Driver is yelling.]
Unknown driver: (Muffled name), you are such a slut!
[Vehicle exits scene. Husband and wife share smile. Enter their vehicle and drive off. Wife rolls down window.]
Husband: "You rolled down the window to hear him yell something else.
Wife: (Gasps) "I did not. I wanted some air. It is stuffy in here.
Husband: "Yay, right. You love gossip. How come you can never own up to your actions?
Wife: (Using logic) "How could I hear him? He drove to the other side of the building before we left and is long gone.
Husband: "Uh huh, I know you so well, always denying things to look innocent. I’ve been through that before.
[Wife sits stunned. Husband is joyous. They travel to their destination. End of Act One.]
Act Two [Scene: Home of Husband’s son and family. RockStar game is being played. Wife played drums. Husband finished singing and scoring high. Husband sings professionally.]
Son: (Hands microphone to Wife) "You can sing this song.
Wife: "No. I don’t want to.
Husband: (Mocking) "What about all that money you spent on singing lessons?
Wife: "I had a few and haven’t practiced at all. I won’t sing with you in the room.
Son: "Come on. You can choose another song if you want.
[After several attempts to coerce Wife into singing, Husband abruptly leaves home and enters vehicle. Wife makes apologies and says goodbye. End of Act Two]
Act Three. [Tense ride home. Wife turns off radio.]
Wife: (Timid) "I won’t sing around you because you have made negative comments about my singing in the past.
Husband: "You ruined the family fun we were having by not participating.
Wife: "I played the drums. I am not going to take a hit to my self-esteem. That was not right to just walk out and not say goodbye to your son.
Husband: (Scoffs) "So now your going to lecture me on that? It was like when we’d go to Karaoke night. There were not so good singers. After they heard me, they gave up and went home rather then sing again. You couldn’t compete against me. That is the real reason you did not want to sing. Again, not taking responsibility for your actions and playing innocent. I know you so well. Better than you will ever know me.
Wife: (Gasping like a fish. Silence the rest of the way home) [End of play]
Soren Kierkegaard said, ‘Irony is a disciplinarian feared only by those who do not know it, but cherished by those who do’. My husband is a bully. According to David Hawkins in his book Dealing with the Crazymakers in Your Life, '(Aggressors)…are expert at throwing out accusations, shifting the blame, and attacking others… They can’t look honestly at their condition. Most lack the ability to be aware of, and sensitive to their deception. It’s called denial.’ Come, Dear Readers, cherish the irony. The man who ‘knows me so well’ rejects reality. Let me roll down the window to let the fresh air in.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
"A stick.
Humor. Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.
As I wrote in an earlier entry, from the first day the new modem arrived, it had problems with connectivity. My spouse solved his problem by mainlining the internet via ethernet needle. I had to reboot the modem everyday. His resentment of the momentary withdrawal to his chronic usage was growing. One day, he held off my reboot while he leveled up on a game. I went to bed before I got to check my Facebook. I had had enough. It was time for some new house rules. Since he works part time, I thought he would be willing to call the provider and work it out. Temper. Temper. He refused and told me it was my computer and my problem. Ok, I will own that one. As I was dialing, he suggests quite firmly on what I am to do, say and allow the techogeek to do while assisting me. Hmmm...what to do? What would the Supernanny do?
Staying calm and in control while your child learns his boundaries is key, and it helps to be consistent in the way you discipline him. The naughty mat is used on the show when you're out and about and your child's behavior becomes unreasonable...
Staying calm, I asked him if he wanted to make this call? Uh huh, that's right, he did not, so perhaps he would like to remain quiet? Placed right firmly on the naughty cushion he was. Now I need to see how Jo deals with bad language.
I hold in my hand these envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They've been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnall’s porch.--Ed McMahon
Who could predict a mayonnaise jar would be at the center of so much controversy? On an ordinary workday and I went to brew a cup of liquid motivation. My spouse asked a question delivered with embedded shards of glass and wrapped in barbed wire. Did I know where his mayonnaise jar was? A surge of adrenaline burns away the last of sleep. We live in a tiny apartment and he is an unapologetic collector. I am smothered by useless things, duplicate things, future things, broken things, things collected to appease the fear, more and more objects sucking the oxygen from the very space which surrounds me. Periodically, I am compelled to thin the brush. I quickly wash a mayonnaise jar from the refrigerator. He is not appeased. I escape to the job, but wonder does the flap over a mayonnaise jar in New Mexico set off a typhoon in Tokyo?
There is a monster who lives in a corner of my home. He is big, brutal and ugly; waiting for the chance to pounce. My husband allows this creature to live there. He says if we just ignore the thing nothing bad will happen. It is when the monster is acknowledged then it rises up and overwhelms. Our happy life together can go on, but I am not so easily lulled into security. I see the beast creeping closer, hear the gnashing of sharp teeth and the glint of claws. It is not content to remain in the shadowy corner. It is the nature of monsters to attack.
Our current monster is taxes. We owe the state several thousand. I had a plan that would allow us to pay this year's tax. It would require sacrifices, but was entirely doable. He did not want to discuss it. So here we are, at the end of the year, with no money saved. I was not going to be the only one making the sacrifice or setting aside funds from my paycheck to cover his tax problems. It is his pet monster. Dr. Nicholas Cristenfeld, from University of California, San Diego, conducted a study on dog owners. I found this quote from the article most revealing,
Research indicated that when people pick a dog, they look for one that, at some level, bears some resemblance to them.
He treats the monster as a pet because it resembles him.This is the way my husband deals with all problems in our marriage. If you acknowledge the situation, it will rise up to bite you. Ignore it and all is well. Bring up a topic for discussion and the teeth and claws come out. He prefers living in the shadows of avoidance. It is useful in the short run, but avoidance is an ineffective coping strategy. Disagreements arise in marriage, but withdrawing and holding in feelings or attacking with verbal abuse does not lead to marital harmony. That 800 pound monster takes up a lot of room.
How come my coworkers can't flush the microwave? Arggghh, unused minutes or seconds left behind clogging up the machine. I need this sign.
Relationships are not about keeping score. Recently, I've come to realize I am the one in this marriage who is loved less. It hurts to know whatever example I have set, he will never step up and match. It doesn't feel good and it leads me to thinking 'I deserve better'. Wouldn't you agree that similar feelings of love and need in relationships are pretty important to the health of a relationship? If one person in a relationship is feeling less wanted or less loved, it would have some kind of impact on the relationship as a whole. Does he know he loves me less?
