Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.
--Dr. Buddy Rydell, Anger Management the movie
That would be referring to me. Saturday, I went to a well known pet warehouse to pick up some water purifier for my Betta, Ruby. I get behind an old lady with her old chihuahua in the child seat of a very full cart. She says, 'I'm gonna be awhile.' I see the other checkout line has a Closed sign, but a customer is being cashed out. I'm not sure what to do. The male cashier with the closed sign motions for me to come over. Before I could get there a couple walk up and he proceeds to cash them out. WTH? When the couple leave, I go tell the guy, 'You could have told them I was first.' (Remember, I want a fair world.) He takes my purchase hitting the register keys, slamming the scanner gun in the holster, and saying to the air, 'We have some very angry customers today.' WTH? I asked him if he had something to say and he walks off and leaves the store. Thankfully the manager witnessed it all. While the manager finished the sale he assured me he was working on improving things. It would get better. Nope, not in this small town.
So one day later I am questioning my actions. Did I do the right thing? I am learning how to speak up for myself, but was this confrontational, aggressive? Dr Phil defines the difference between being assertive or aggressive. Assertiveness protects my rights, but it doesn't necessarily infringe on the rights of others. Aggressiveness also protect my rights, but it also hurts someone else's rights.
My scriptural thought for the day was from Proverbs 15:1. 'An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.' The practical application was if you find yourself in a tense situation and you sense anger building
inside you, it may help to leave the scene, thus giving your emotions
time to settle. If the one with whom you are speaking starts to get angry, make an extra
effort to speak graciously. A cutting or aggressive remark would add
fuel to the fire even if it is delivered in a gentle voice. (Proverbs
26:21)
I'm of two minds here. I think I was assertive not aggressive. On the other hand, I seemed to have caused some pain to that cashier. Did I add fuel to the fire? This grownup stuff just doesn't get easier with age.
The butterfly effect is the observation that an event as seemingly insignificant as the flapping of a butterfly's wings might create a huge storm in a distant place. It is sometimes applied to a small, almost imperceptible thing that can have a large and momentous consequence. The mayonnaise jar is a pivotal moment. His bursts of anger always leave me drained, gasping, and running for higher ground. The day will come when I keep running without looking back.
Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades. He discovered patterns about how partners relate to each other which can be used to predict – with 91% accuracy – which marriages will succeed and which will fail. The four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.
Before Jay Leno and David Letterman, the King of Late Night was Johnny Carson. He donned a turban and cloak and became Carnac the Magnificent. Ed McMahon would continue,
"No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before.
Carnac would hold a business size envelope to his forehead and give an answer. He’d then rip open the envelope and read the question. I can see him adding this to his routine.
Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Envelope ripping. Question: How is marriage like a three-ring circus?
I am so tired. Even my fingers are yawning. It happens whenever I have a serious emotional experience. Yesterday, I asked my husband to stop with his angry outbursts or I would have to leave him. He agreed. So I am making arrangements to move. Putting in two weeks notice, cut off dates for utilities, cancelling payments for travel money, copying medical records, getting my doctor to give me a year's refill on my meds, filling in change of address cards, researching self move vehicles for best price, going through my possessions, getting boxes, telling friends and family, opening new checking acct in my name, mapquesting the trip, and things I have not thought of yet.
It is sad. He so quickly told me to get out. Unfriended me on Facebook within minutes. Removed our anniversary on the calendar. Rather than eat the meal I prepared, he tossed it in the sink with the dishes I was washing. I did not sleep well. He frightens me.
