The 100 Best Curse Words & Phrases of All Time!

Reflections

There are times I really, really hate life, my life. My part time job has now turned into a full time plus overtime job. I work nine hours plus, five days a week. The exhaustion is returning. The anger. The joyless existence I had when I worked at the hospital. I have no life again.  

I've been struggling to complete a new post for this blog, I have a sewing project on hold, I have housework piling up...My brain has gone numb.  It is not worth those big paychecks I get. 

Today I thought I escaped the mandatory overtime since I did not get the phone call to carry on. But NO!!!! they called me late and said to carry on.... So I don't get to snooze a bit more which my body is crying for. Rest, lady, rest. Seems like the only real rest I will get is in the grave. I can see my headstone now. Here lies a lady who made big paychecks but wasted her life.

You big cry baby. Pardon me a moment...Waaaah!! Cathartic.

We Have Some Very Angry Customers Today

Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.  --Dr. Buddy Rydell, Anger Management the movie

That would be referring to me. Saturday, I went to a well known pet warehouse to pick up some water purifier for my Betta, Ruby. I get behind an old lady with her old chihuahua in the child seat of a very full cart. She says, 'I'm gonna be awhile.' I see the other checkout line has a Closed sign, but a customer is being cashed out. I'm not sure what to do. The male cashier with the closed sign motions for me to come over. Before I could get there a couple walk up and he proceeds to cash them out. WTH? When the couple leave, I go tell the guy, 'You could have told them I was first.' (Remember, I want a fair world.) He takes my purchase hitting the register keys, slamming the scanner gun in the holster, and saying to the air, 'We have some very angry customers today.' WTH? I asked him if he had something to say and he walks off and leaves the store. Thankfully the manager witnessed it all. While the manager finished the sale he assured me he was working on improving things. It would get better. Nope, not in this small town.

So one day later I am questioning my actions. Did I do the right thing? I am learning how to speak up for myself, but was this confrontational, aggressive? Dr Phil defines the difference between being assertive or aggressive. Assertiveness protects my rights, but it doesn't necessarily infringe on the rights of others. Aggressiveness also protect my rights, but it also hurts someone else's rights. 

My scriptural thought for the day was from Proverbs 15:1. 'An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.' The practical application was if you find yourself in a tense situation and you sense anger building inside you, it may help to leave the scene, thus giving your emotions time to settle. If the one with whom you are speaking starts to get angry, make an extra effort to speak graciously. A cutting or aggressive remark would add fuel to the fire even if it is delivered in a gentle voice. (Proverbs 26:21)

I'm of two minds here. I think I was assertive not aggressive. On the other hand, I seemed to have caused some pain to that cashier. Did I add fuel to the fire? This grownup stuff just doesn't get easier with age.

If a Butterfly

The butterfly effect is the observation that an event as seemingly insignificant as the flapping of a butterfly's wings might create a huge storm in a distant place. It is sometimes applied to a small, almost imperceptible thing that can have a large and momentous consequence. The mayonnaise jar is a pivotal moment. His bursts of anger always leave me drained, gasping, and running for higher ground. The day will come when I keep running without looking back. 

Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades. He discovered patterns about how partners relate to each other which can be used to predict – with 91% accuracy – which marriages will succeed and which will fail. The four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. 

Before Jay Leno and David Letterman, the King of Late Night was Johnny Carson. He donned a turban and cloak and became Carnac the Magnificent. Ed McMahon would continue, 

"No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before. 

Carnac would hold a business size envelope to his forehead and give an answer. He’d then rip open the envelope and read the question. I can see him adding this to his routine.
Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Envelope ripping. Question: How is marriage like a three-ring circus?

Thunderstruck

I owned a dog once who hated storms. When the large clouds roll in, and even before the first crash of thunder hit, this dog would panic, running in search of a safe place to hide. He would claw his way into my lap, pant, and drool puddles. Ick. That’s me right now. I’m scared, scrambling for a safe place. Starting life over again is scary. I want to wake up and this be a bad dream. I came across this tidbit.

Change is Good – There are individuals who despise change. Look closely and you will see these are the same people who get left behind in their careers, in their personal lives and tend to suffer more than those who are more adaptable. When you are willing to change you open yourself up to receive and experience new things. It is these things that provide you with the nuggets of wisdom you’ve been looking for that makes a difference in your life. You can stand still and fight change all you want but it’s a losing battle!

There is my silver lining spin. I want change. I am adaptable...Wait. Just. A. Freaking. Minute. What new age philosophy dribble is that? I don't want this change. I want a happy marriage. I want to rage, rant, cry, vomit, smack a Divasaurus, all at the same time. It is so not fair. *Kicking and screaming* Not fair. He has not spoke to me since the gauntlet hit the ground. I constantly question myself. Should I cave? Should I attempt a reconciliation? Am I being a bad wife? Could I just pretend this never happened? Close your eyes, click your heels and whisper this a million times--it is about control. He had it and you were. He will not change. What to do? 

 ♫ No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands, And breathe... just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe ♫

Sam Baldwin, Sleepless in Seattle, 'Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

It was great and perfect for a while. Then it wasn't for a long time. Time for grief.