Reflections

Living well is the best revenge against an abusive co-worker. I originally tore up her crappy little note, but had second thoughts. I carefully taped the pieces back together and made several copies of it. Revenge office-style requires patience, delicacy and careful planning. I knew somehow I could use it against her. I didn't want to appear unhinged or mentally deranged. It would do no good to go to my supervisor. Nothing would be done. 

Nothing was done about her very loud verbal attack on me or the resulting hospitalization. I posted her crappy little note over my desk. When I came in the next morning, it was gone. I put up another one. Under it I had a post it note with these words. 'I have endless copies'. The second one didn't disappear until midmorning. I put up a third one. Later that afternoon she was dealing with my bestie when she saw the note. She stopped in midsentence, speechless, then turned and muttered something about wishing our supervisor would do something about me. I chuckled. I fist pumped a silent woo-woo! It felt good to get a little back. I took down the sign. It was enough.

How Avoiding Bears Is Like Avoiding a Workpace Bully

Bears are large animals that can be dangerous and certainly deserve respect and caution. With proper precautions, a person's chances of a close encounter of the worst kind can be greatly reduced. Bullies are dangerous and certainly deserve respect and caution. Attacks are driven by the bully's personal agenda and actually prevents work from getting done. Here a four strategies on how to avoid bully bears. 

Basic strategies for bear safety:
1. Knowledge is power. The most important tip is to get information from reliable sources about how to avoid a problem with a bear - and what to do if you have one despite your best efforts. 

It is important to know which species of bear will be in the areas you are working in. Black bears and Grizzly Bears will react differently in the same situation: the Grizzly bear being the more aggressive of the two species. Office bullies create a dysfunctional workplace, says Gary Namie, a psychologist and founder of the nonprofit Campaign Against Workplace Bullying.The most destructive thing about office bullies is that they tend to target co-workers who are the best and brightest employees. 

"It's much different than school-yard bullying," he says. 'This target isn't the kid with the Coke-bottle glasses'. Instead, workplace bullies tend to drive out colleagues they view as threats: those who are technically competent, independent, possess good social skills, and have strong ethics...

Bullies, especially female bullies, are prone to isolating and excluding other workers – especially those that they feel threatened by. These bullies sometimes even have a following or a group of people that appear to dress, talk and act like them. Bonnie and Clyde. A coworker who is aware of the pair would like to take a new position opening but hesitates because she knows, ’there would be stilettos’ in her back’ from the interaction with them.

2. Avoid encounters with bears whenever possible. Like many other things in life, when it comes to bears a defensive bear will exhibit the signs of stress. They feel threatened by you and may be defending either a food source or young cubs, or are trying to establish dominance in their territory. 

For the same reason, don’t argue with the bully. To compete with a person whose mentality is based on making everyone else's life deplorable is like stooping down to their level. In doing this, we are exposing ourselves to open conflict and direct confrontation with them. This is what they want, a reaction, an argument, and a challenge. The office bully meets aggression with aggression. Stay calm and purposeful. Less is more.

3. Keep your distance.From negative thoughts that is. Do not agree with the bully's negative characterization of you. You did not invite the misery. No one in their right mind should ever believe the bully's lie that another person (you) deserve to be humiliated, intimidated, and abused. You did not ask for it. You did not wake up one morning and say that this was the day to be humiliated. You did not trigger this campaign of hatred. Targets tend to be reluctant to report bullying, primarily for fear of retribution, but also because they run the risk of being labelled a whiner or a snitch, or losing their job outright if the bully is their superior. 

4. Know how to react if you DO find yourself close to a bear. Different actions are also recommended for surprise encounters vs. an actual unprovoked attack. Attempt to measure the grizzly bears mood. Does the bear have its' ears laid back - sort of like an upset dog? 

Bullies feel in control when they intimidate others and they feel admired by peers when they act out. It is not so much the victim that gives a bully his or her sense of power, it is the reactions, or rather the inactions, of bystanders that feed the bully’s superior sense of self. 

The point to remember is: You are not powerless. You have many strategies—trying them can help. Targets who tell their story often face disbelief from coworkers, bosses and human resources managers. Others often assume that the abuse is petty or that the target is just a ‘problem employee’. My Director blames me as starting the abuse. I chose to get out. My health was more important.

Reflections

I am having a panic attack triggered by the crappy note left on my desk this morning by Princess Bonnie. I only have to get to December 2nd, my official moving day to the new job. One mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi... the days can't count down fast enough! My doctor is phoning a prescription for Valium to my pharmacy. I wish I was strong when jealous haters talk shit about me I just laugh. Join the fan club Bitch!

Practice Makes Perfect

From About.com: Getting out of an abusive relationship can be difficult, because your ex might try to hurt you or manipulate you into staying together. Use firm language, stay strong and end the conversation quickly. You don't owe them anything.

 

4 Tips for Every Breakup

• Always break up with someone as soon as you decide that it's time to move on. Don't let your relationship die out on its own. The longer you stall, the more painful the breakup will be for both of you.
• Always break up in person. It's plain rude to break up with someone over the phone (or worse, with a text).
• Never backtrack. If you know for sure that it's time to break up, don't leave the conversation in any other way than completely broken up.
• Realize that however you break up, it's going to hurt. Be sensitive and compassionate, but don't beat yourself up it. You did the right thing.

It was time, but it was a messy breakup. I couldn't tolerate the betrayal. Alcohol used to be fun. We enjoyed our time together but no longer. Menopause changes so many things. A little goes too long a way. I wake up with headaches and fuzziness the next day. It gives me hot flashes—annoying; and rapid heartbeats—uncomfortable. I have fluttering heart, what feels like missed beats, racing heart and pounding out of my chest heart. A recent echocardiogram, EKG, and a stress test has cleared me of heart problems. Ah, the betrayal. 

Tachycardia is the medical term for a rapid or irregular heartbeat. The normal heart rate is approximately 60 to 100 beats per minute. A heart rate over 100 can be considered rapid. (Mine likes to hover around 108 when this happens). It’s an arrhythmia. The most immediate way to deal with rapid or irregular heartbeat when it occurs is to try to relax. Avoiding stimulants can help, especially caffeine, alcohol and nicotine.

I told my husband of my decision. So a few days later he brings me a glass of wine. I’m like, what? I left it alone and finished cooking dinner. He got angry when he saw I didn't drink it. I reminded him of my reasons. He said it was good to get my heart pumping, like exercise. I responded, 'No, it’s an arrhythmia. It means an irregular heart rate. Not good.' Fine then, and snatches the glass away. Pout, mutter, plotting revenge.

The next day I am concentrating at the computer when he startles me on purpose. He does this regularly. I asked him to please stop that as I don’t like it. His reply, ‘Should have had the wine’.

Practice makes perfect. I will keep learning how to leave things behind. Leaving an abuser is hard to do, with time and planning I will succeed.

Humor Raisin

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood,it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass. 

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.