Practice Makes Perfect

From About.com: Getting out of an abusive relationship can be difficult, because your ex might try to hurt you or manipulate you into staying together. Use firm language, stay strong and end the conversation quickly. You don't owe them anything.

 

4 Tips for Every Breakup

• Always break up with someone as soon as you decide that it's time to move on. Don't let your relationship die out on its own. The longer you stall, the more painful the breakup will be for both of you.
• Always break up in person. It's plain rude to break up with someone over the phone (or worse, with a text).
• Never backtrack. If you know for sure that it's time to break up, don't leave the conversation in any other way than completely broken up.
• Realize that however you break up, it's going to hurt. Be sensitive and compassionate, but don't beat yourself up it. You did the right thing.

It was time, but it was a messy breakup. I couldn't tolerate the betrayal. Alcohol used to be fun. We enjoyed our time together but no longer. Menopause changes so many things. A little goes too long a way. I wake up with headaches and fuzziness the next day. It gives me hot flashes—annoying; and rapid heartbeats—uncomfortable. I have fluttering heart, what feels like missed beats, racing heart and pounding out of my chest heart. A recent echocardiogram, EKG, and a stress test has cleared me of heart problems. Ah, the betrayal. 

Tachycardia is the medical term for a rapid or irregular heartbeat. The normal heart rate is approximately 60 to 100 beats per minute. A heart rate over 100 can be considered rapid. (Mine likes to hover around 108 when this happens). It’s an arrhythmia. The most immediate way to deal with rapid or irregular heartbeat when it occurs is to try to relax. Avoiding stimulants can help, especially caffeine, alcohol and nicotine.

I told my husband of my decision. So a few days later he brings me a glass of wine. I’m like, what? I left it alone and finished cooking dinner. He got angry when he saw I didn't drink it. I reminded him of my reasons. He said it was good to get my heart pumping, like exercise. I responded, 'No, it’s an arrhythmia. It means an irregular heart rate. Not good.' Fine then, and snatches the glass away. Pout, mutter, plotting revenge.

The next day I am concentrating at the computer when he startles me on purpose. He does this regularly. I asked him to please stop that as I don’t like it. His reply, ‘Should have had the wine’.

Practice makes perfect. I will keep learning how to leave things behind. Leaving an abuser is hard to do, with time and planning I will succeed.