My sister listed she had read Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I was intrigued by the write up:
"Gretchen Rubin had an epiphany one rainy afternoon in the unlikeliest of places: a city bus. 'The days are long, but the years are short,' she realized. 'Time is passing, and I'm not focusing enough on the things that really matter.' In that moment, she decided to dedicate a year to her happiness project.
In this lively and compelling account, Rubin chronicles her adventures during the twelve months she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier. Among other things, she found that novelty and challenge are powerful sources of happiness; that money can help buy happiness, when spent wisely; that outer order contributes to inner calm; and that the very smallest of changes can make the biggest difference.
I downloaded to my Kindle and enjoyed it very much. I didn't want to make New Year's Resolutions that fizzled toward the end of the month. I want to involve the whole of 2014 in my own Happiness Project.
A “happiness project” is an approach to changing your life. First is the preparation stage, when you identify what brings you joy, satisfaction, and engagement, and also what brings you guilt, anger, boredom, and remorse. Second is the making of resolutions, when you identify the concrete actions that will boost your happiness. Then comes the interesting part: keeping your resolutions.
I have decided January is labelled Walking.
Walking. Yes, it does involve walking for exercise, but so much more. I watched a video by Drs. Oz and Roisen who are updating their YOU book with new information. They mention walking. They suggest getting up from your chair every 15 minutes. Even if you just walk around a table or to the next room. BRB.
Next, every two hours take a 10 minute walk. This I can do. It will require a kitchen timer to make me aware of time. Walking means improving my health. By taking in sunshine outdoors, adding more vegetables to my diet, taking supplements to aid methylation (which is the chemical cellular energy process). I don't want to held hostage by my chronic conditions. Will they go away? Not sure today, but I foresee where they will be reduced, soothed, calmed.
On Gretchen Rubin's blog she has advice to keep those resolutions.
"One thing I’ve learned from my happiness project: keeping resolutions (also known as making habits) is a key to happiness. If you want to make a positive change in your life, you need to figure out what to resolve, and how to keep that resolution.
My resolve? Get off my butt. Eat more beets. Swallow my pills. Easy peasy. Sounds like fun.
ps. I unfortunately brought the flu home from Ends of the Earth, Texas. So my resolve is delayed until I recover. I really, really hate vomiting.
I watched a man die. It was quick and I hope painless, stress free, and with no fear. He took gaspy breaths as the machine registered falling O2 saturation numbers. I know it was a hard decision for my brother-in-law to make. Truly, being connected to oxygen was only maintaining the body. The person had left the building a day or two earlier. He made sure his father was comfortable by having morphine injected before the nurse removed the oxygen. We four stood silent vigil until it was zero and the pulse in the neck was silent. All gone. Not a great memory for my life, but one of those milestones people have before their own deaths, saying goodbye to the previous generation.
"Two little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said:
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"
The last monkey between me and the edge has gone. I learned some things watching this unfold over the last year.
- Be Kind and Loving. As Maya Angelou said, 'I've learned people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.' I want the last memories of me to be cherished forever by family and friends. Not regrets. My father in law and husband were on speaking terms before the end, but it was uneasy. I will resolve issues so my passing is untroubled.
- Accept the Limitations of Age. No stubbornness. No denial. I will accept the limitations age has brought me. I will accept assistance. The hard one would be if I had to move to receive that assistance.
- Have Financial Affairs in Order. It was a shock to find a savings account designated to the girlfriend as beneficiary when FIL left debts behind. I will have my important papers in one location. My finances will not be secret from my children.
- Distribution of My Possessions. My own grandmother showed me the way. She was dying from cancer and set things aside for each of us when we came to visit. I will do the same. Distribute my things while I am still alive. FIL was so fearful to lose his things. Things he had no use for any longer. (For instance, a 4 wheeler that was not being used, in disrepair, which BIL offered to BUY at one time.) Accusing his own sons of attempting to steal them. Guess what FIL? Within 24 hours, it was done. All done. Touch, touch, touch. Everything with value collected and distributed. (BIL did get the 4 wheeler.) I cried the whole day. First, to see the state the home was in, what a mess, knowing it did not have to be that way. I would have kept it cleaner and cooked. Not the cookies and junk he was eating just prior to the last hospital stay. I was sad for him because he could not let go. All his things were flying out the door without his voice. Now comes the really hard part of cleaning the detritus left behind.
- The Big One. I will plan my own funeral. My dad showed me the way. He chose cremation with a twist. He had red and white striped flannel jamies and a Teddy bear to go with him. He prepared a necklace of cinnamon sticks for himself and the bear since they were to become toast, why not cinnamon toast? Classy. FIL will have a memorial next week. I will go because I love my husband's family, not so much for a stubborn old man.
Please check out these two websites for more information. Preparing for Dying and a worksheet for organizing personal data and end of life wishes.
Oh man, oh man. I've known my blood glucose was not in the healthy range. I have a meter. Morning fasting levels range from 108 to 112 thereabout. I did a over-the-counter A1C (a bargain for a blood test at $40 US dollars) and had the result of 6.6. What is bothering me now is the tingling and numbness in my hands. I use my hands to do delicate stitch work for my Etsy business. Some days it seems impossible to thread a needle with the large meaty lumps of flesh that are located on the ends of my arms.
"One of the first
signs of diabetes is tingling in the hands and feet. High blood sugar levels as
a result of insulin resistance can lead to nerve damage, causing the sensation
of tingling or numbness in toes and fingers. Nerve damage connected with
PreDiabetes may also cause burning pain in your arms, hands and feet. Early
recognition of such diabetes symptoms may enable you to reverse the diabetes
process.
Early recognition? Got that. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Take. Medication. Metformin and possible liver damage. I am a 2 percenter. You ever read those side effect notifications on boxes? There is a 2% chance some will experience...major side effects, death. Uh, *raises hand*. I am a sensitive. I have lost 15 pounds so far. I have some supplements enroute to help me with my methylation problem. I truly hope to overcome the chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and impaired glucose problem by getting my cells to function properly.
At the end of the day all you need is hope and strength. Hope it will get better. Strength to hold on until it does.
There are times I really, really hate life, my life. My part time job has now turned into a full time plus overtime job. I work nine hours plus, five days a week. The exhaustion is returning. The anger. The joyless existence I had when I worked at the hospital. I have no life again.
I've been struggling to complete a new post for this blog, I have a sewing project on hold, I have housework piling up...My brain has gone numb. It is not worth those big paychecks I get.
Today I thought I escaped the mandatory overtime since I did not get the phone call to carry on. But NO!!!! they called me late and said to carry on.... So I don't get to snooze a bit more which my body is crying for. Rest, lady, rest. Seems like the only real rest I will get is in the grave. I can see my headstone now. Here lies a lady who made big paychecks but wasted her life.
You big cry baby. Pardon me a moment...Waaaah!! Cathartic.
