Humor Raisin

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna going to tell you!

Humor. Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

The Sky Is Falling or On Being a Defensive Pessimist

"I saw it with my own eyes, and heard it with my own ears,and part of it fell on my head!

Don’t try to tell me different. I know when the fit is gonna hit the shan. I have it all planned out. Dr. Julie K. Norem, a psychology professor at Wellesley College,calls it "defensive pessimism." And studies have found that people who exhibit it are actually less stressed when they indulge in their Chicken-Little-The-Sky-Is-Falling routine than when they are forced to express more optimistic or hopeful thoughts. 

I have read the stories of people who have harnessed the power of negative thinking in her book, THE POSITIVE POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING. The strategy is to (1) lower expectations to help prepare for the worst; (2) mentally play through all the bad things that might happen, a litany of ‘what if’s’. Though it sounds as if it might be depressing, defensive pessimism actually helps anxious people focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively. It works quite well for me with one small problem.

Chicken Little lives with the Ostrich, better known as a Strategic Optimist, the other end of the coping scale. He sticks his head in the sand assuming nothing much will get in his way because the world is rose-colored. Feathers fly because his is the only coping mechanism deemed acceptable. No ‘what if’s’ are allowed, no questions asked, no detailed research done. He wonders, why am I so negative? Why can’t I just ‘trust him’? Can’t I just ‘relax’? In fact, he contends, I invite negative consequences by planning ways to handle them. 

Dr. Norem says, "A strategic optimist's unconscious goal is not to become anxious. A defensive pessimist's unconscious goal is not to run away." In experiments Norem conducted, defensive pessimists didn't perform as well when they employed relaxation or positive thinking techniques. So how can these two styles cohabit happily?

• Pick your battles. Focus on what truly matters. Don't fight over something that's none of your business, or that you can't do anything about. Make sure the argument is going to solve something.

• Initiate a Ceasefire. Respect the differences. The differences can enhance your relationship if you work with them rather than fight over them. Realize he is handling his anxiety by avoiding thoughts about the situation.

• Surrender. Devoting anxious energy to what could go wrong is strategic. Wallowing over what's already gone wrong is wasteful. If you can't fix it, let it go.

Despite my negativity, I am optimistic. I am a happy pessimist, but I carry an umbrella in the trunk of my car even if the sun is shining.

Humor Raisins

Why is there so little humor about introverts?

"An introvert was speeding along the road one fine day when the local policeman pulled him over. "What's wrong, Officer?" the introvert asked. "Well didn't you know, sir, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said the officer. "Ah, praise God!" the introvert replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Humor raisins. Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Books I Am Reading

Do you "zone out" if too much is going on? Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas? Do you tend to notice details that other people miss? Is your ideal celebration a small get-together, rather than a big party? Do you often feel like a tortoise surrounded by hares?

The good news is, you're an introvert. The better new is that by celebrating the inner strengths and uniqueness of being an "innie," THE INTROVERT ADVANTAGE shows introverts, and the extroverts who love them, how to work with instead of against their temperament to enjoy a well-lived life. Covering relationships, parenting -- including parenting the introverted child -- socializing, and the workplace, here are coping strategies, tactics for managing energy, and hundreds of valuable tips for not only surviving but truly thriving in an extrovert world.

Reflections

The turkey vultures will be here for a few weeks. The air was particularly violent as a low front pushed through. It's perfect weather for thermal updrafts and the thrill of soaring.

Humor Raisin

Found this tidbit while surfing the net.

"Hotel brochure, Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

Humor. Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Bring on the Syrup Because I Waffle or Learning How to Say No in Good Taste

I am a classic people pleaser. My inability to say no has left me exhausted, penniless and questioning my sanity. Saying no is often associated with negative feelings, like disappointment, anger and loss. That’s why it’s a lot easier to say yes, because I avoid situations that evoke those emotions. With the goal to live authentically, I will start with something small. I work better with scripts when learning new behaviors. Here is selection of six I found at Online Organizing dot com.


1. I am not comfortable with that. It could be with any number of issues, the people involved, the type of work, the morale implications, etc. This is a very respectful way to avoid a sticky situation.
2. I do not enjoy that kind of work. Life isn't about drudgery -- if you don't enjoy it, why do it? Don't be afraid to let someone know you just don't want to because someone else is bound to enjoy the work you don't.
3. I have another commitment. It doesn't matter what the commitment is, you don't have to justify. You simply aren't available.
4. I know you will do a wonderful job yourself. People often ask for help because they doubt their own abilities. Let them know that you have confidence they will succeed. You are actually doing them a favor in the long run.
5. I need to focus more on my personal life. Don't be ashamed of wanting to spend time with yourself, family or friends. Be willing to put your personal needs first.
6. Not right now, but I can do it later. If you really want to help but don't have time, say so. Offer to help at a later time or date.

Say it politely, but mean it! You'll be surprised; the world will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take offense, and those that do aren't worth pleasing. Repeat after me, No, No, No.

Tips taken from: "Ramona Creel is a modern Renaissance woman and guru of simplicity -- traveling the country as a full-time RVer, sharing her story of radically downsizing, and inspiring others to regain control of their own lives. As a Professional Organizer and Accountability Coach, Ramona will help you create the time and space to focus on your true priorities -- clearing away the clutter other obstacles and standing in the way of that life you've always wanted to be living. As a Professional Photographer, Ramona captures powerful images of places and people as she travels. And as a travel writer, social commentator, and blogger, she shares her experiences and insights about the world as we know it. You can see all these sides of Ramona -- read her articles, browse through her photographs, and even hire her to help get your life in order -- at http://www.ramonacreel.com/. And be sure to follow her on Twitter and on Facebook."

Reflections

I am house sitting for a week. When will I ever learn to say no?

Clone Wars

"What can I say? I think I just kind of missed the memo about how to fit in in Cincinnati--Bandslam, the movie

I am always thinking about how to earn money from home. How about a line of T-shirts called Clone Kids? They would each have a catchy saying, come in one color and one-size-fits-all. Almost every teen I have talked to will say that peer pressure is not a big thing. Yet at any high school, kids dress alike and act alike. They have the exact same tastes and talk the exact same way. It's where learning to 'fit in' begins, where the sights and sounds of assimilation are turned up full volume.

Until. I recognized the clonespiracy.

I could not fit in, but I could 'fit out', refurbish what traits kept me from clonetard popularity earlier in life. Dave Rendall, The Freak Factory, says our supposed flaws are actually the key to our greatness. Most people think that they should find and fix their weaknesses. Unfortunately, this just leads to frustration and failure. Your weaknesses are actually the best clue to your strengths. The trick is to see how your 'worst' traits might serve you. Living among a Pollyanna generation, believers of The Secret, I am Chicken Little, imaging worst case scenarios. But this makes me the queen of contingency planning. I move forward as others wring their hands bemoaning 'What now?' So I will keep that flawed outlook as I am safe, content and worry free. I don't follow the crowd; this is a clone free zone.

Books I Am Reading

CONTEMPORARY SOLITUDE by Joanne Wieland-Burston explores the joy and pain one feels when alone. The book describes the importance of solitude. It explores the suffering of loneliness, the need for independence, how we seek solitude to avoid relating, or how we can even seek solitude to redeem ourselves, to search for something beyond our present state of being.

It describes how solitude is an important and necessary aspect of the one's life, and helps the reader find solutions to his/her problems. The book also shows how solitude can stagnate a person and block the process of maturing and growth.

Hmmm. A contrast in thought from redemption to stagnation presented as a necessary aspect to life. I ordered the book today.

Reflections

I am listening to disco and contemplating becoming a hermit. How would one go about becoming a hermit in the modern world?

p.s. Why did the skeleton go to the disco? He heard it was a hip joint.