I whisper I need a new crayon

The husband and I were invited out to the boss' home for dinner. Seems his new girlfriend is preparing a meal of delicious things to eat. It is to be a spaghetti dinner straight from the avenues of Sicily. Sauce simmered for hours with the tastiest ingredients, a secret family dressing to marinate the vegies in a traditional salad, and caponata with crunchy crackers. A feast of the senses. Me. The one gluten intolerant and reactive to foods. I don't want to be sick or offend, what am I to do?

My husband stepped in, funny how he didn't do any of this when we went camping with his parents, and spoke for me. The girlfriend was ever so generous and prepared a spaghetti squash instead of wheat pasta (she even purchased rice spaghetti if that were my choice). My mouth waters with the remembrance of that squash and meaty sauce. She even bought me rice crackers for the hors’d’oeuvres. I had no immediate food reaction. None of that instant nausea when wheat or it's many derivatives hits the stomach, but today the fibromyalgia is knocking on the door.

To 'be nice' I did eat foods I knew I was going to react to. How could I not eat her lovely red sauce on the spaghetti squash even though it has pork in it? I don't want to be the Spanish inquisitor for every dish being served. I live in a world that is so very different from the norm. I often feel like a bubble girl. I can see out and my world is wide and spacious with a thin protective barrier surrounding me. When others look in they just see isolation with cramped borders. It is that thin protective layer that causes the misunderstanding.

My husband did not understand that it is two hours past my bedtime, a bedtime dictated not by need for sleep, but by the need to be asleep before the pain begins, and my husband is still visiting and the burning ache is in my legs, and the hips are screaming 'enough', and I am missing snippets of conversation because the words are drowned out by twinges, I can't focus on anything else and I want to be home so I can privately moan when it is too intense, to change gravity by stretching on the bed that makes my nighttime bearable.

Wishing so very much to be 'normal' and just be in the moment. A moment not crayoned in the silver of pain.

Humor Raisins

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Man Overboard

Only dead fish swim with the stream. --Malcolm Muggeridge

I live in a simple world. If it is wrong, stop doing it. If it is broken, fix it. If it's a lie, speak the truth. Stupid is as stupid does. If you go along, you get along. Uh….. no. When we go along to get along, we begin to abandon our own principles and persona. I don’t want to conform in order to have acceptance and security. I want to fit in with my differences intact.

From Wikipedia: 'Solomon Asch conducted his classic conformity experiments in an attempt to discover if people would still conform when the right answer was obvious. Using confederates, he created the illusion that an entire group of participants believed something that was obviously false. When in this situation, participants conformed about a third of the time on trials where the confederates gave obviously false answers.' So agree to a lie and people will like you.

I picked up an upper respiratory virus while on vacation which showed up after I returned to work. Bummer. I needed to call in under the new policy which requires me to speak directly to either my boss or director. No more leaving a message or texting. I called my boss, left a message saying I was sick, and would continue to call her. After two more attempts to the office, one to her cell phone and one to the director with no answers I left another message. I admit it was a pissy message about attempting to reach them with no luck. Why make a policy without a way to successfully implement it? An hour later, I get a pissy call to acknowledge my pissy call. (Was that really necessary, Boss? Hope you feel better now.) When I ask what can be done in the future to reach someone, she says, leave a message. What? Forrest Gump would be pleased. Stupidity is based more on our actions than on the speed at which you think. 

My husband says I get in trouble because I ‘rock the boat’. I disturb the status quo. After eight years, I think I finally realize the boat is anchored. It’s not going anywhere. Time to jump ship.

Top 10 Advantages of Introvert

There maybe some misconceptions about Introverts. Is it that bad to be a Introvert? Introvert Advantages, a site for the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, has a list of top ten advantages of being an introvert, with a comparison of top 10 misconception about introvert. Here are the Top Ten Advantages Introverts Possess:

10) Work Well With Others, Especially In One-to-One Relationships
9) Maintain Long-Term Friendships
8) Flexible
7) Independent
6) Strong Ability To Concentrate
5) Self-Reflective
4) Responsible
3) Creative, Out-of-the-Box thinking
2) Analytical Skills That Integrate Complexity
1) Studious and Smart

We Have Some Very Angry Customers Today

Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.  --Dr. Buddy Rydell, Anger Management the movie

That would be referring to me. Saturday, I went to a well known pet warehouse to pick up some water purifier for my Betta, Ruby. I get behind an old lady with her old chihuahua in the child seat of a very full cart. She says, 'I'm gonna be awhile.' I see the other checkout line has a Closed sign, but a customer is being cashed out. I'm not sure what to do. The male cashier with the closed sign motions for me to come over. Before I could get there a couple walk up and he proceeds to cash them out. WTH? When the couple leave, I go tell the guy, 'You could have told them I was first.' (Remember, I want a fair world.) He takes my purchase hitting the register keys, slamming the scanner gun in the holster, and saying to the air, 'We have some very angry customers today.' WTH? I asked him if he had something to say and he walks off and leaves the store. Thankfully the manager witnessed it all. While the manager finished the sale he assured me he was working on improving things. It would get better. Nope, not in this small town.

So one day later I am questioning my actions. Did I do the right thing? I am learning how to speak up for myself, but was this confrontational, aggressive? Dr Phil defines the difference between being assertive or aggressive. Assertiveness protects my rights, but it doesn't necessarily infringe on the rights of others. Aggressiveness also protect my rights, but it also hurts someone else's rights. 

My scriptural thought for the day was from Proverbs 15:1. 'An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.' The practical application was if you find yourself in a tense situation and you sense anger building inside you, it may help to leave the scene, thus giving your emotions time to settle. If the one with whom you are speaking starts to get angry, make an extra effort to speak graciously. A cutting or aggressive remark would add fuel to the fire even if it is delivered in a gentle voice. (Proverbs 26:21)

I'm of two minds here. I think I was assertive not aggressive. On the other hand, I seemed to have caused some pain to that cashier. Did I add fuel to the fire? This grownup stuff just doesn't get easier with age.