Humor Raisin

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Pulling Out My Hair

OMG. OMG. How many times until I learn? SMH. I tried to get some support and sympathy from my spouse tonight. I am in the final week until the job transfer. It has been a troubling week in that I thought I was being held a month, instead of the traditional two weeks, to train my replacement.

My supervisor was sending me to my new office at the same moment my replacement was showing up for training. HUH? The supervisor stated my two coworkers could handle it. Then I find out from my replacement the slacker girl went missing and my bestie has to handle the phones and does not have time to spend training. She is not learning much when I am not there. 

I went to see my Director today. While completing some paperwork I need, we talked. I came away humbled and humiliated. It seems I was incorrect as to the reason for the month wait to transfer. Either of my other coworkers are capable of training the replacement. No other reason was offered. HUH?

So let's recap. The Director of Radiology does not like I am leaving. The Director over the physicians offices does not like I am leaving. The physician offices are upset I am leaving. Today I learn the operating room is upset I am leaving. Guess the only place that has no concerns I am going? YUP.

It matters not to my department. Truly, they see no greatness in me. I am equal to all others. In The 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave, Leigh Branham writes why many managers don’t care.

"The fact is that many managers and even senior executives simply don’t care about why their employees are leaving. Their attitude seems to be, “If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit you in the backside on your way out!

If this sounds familiar, it should, because it describes the prevailing mindset of most managers in American companies today. Most are overworked, and many are frustrated by their inability to meet the demands of the current workforce, much less do exit interviews.

There will always be managers who are too preoccupied, self-focused, or insensitive to notice the signs that employees are becoming disengaged and too uncaring, complacent, blaming, in denial, insecure, or ego-defensive to find out the real reasons they left. They too readily accept turnover as “a cost of doing business.” They are too willing to believe the superficial reasons for leaving that employees give in exit interviews.

Why? Psychologists call it “motivated blindness”; they cannot handle the truth — that the real reason the employee left may be linked to their own behavior. These managers are actually choosing not to see, hear, or speak the “evil” that plagues them.

I have to admit I was one who became disengaged. What is that? Disengaged employees are uncommitted, marginally productive, frequently absent, or, in the case of the actively disengaged, actually work against the interests of the company. I was not in the latter category, but I was disruptive, complaining, and occupied the time and attention of my supervisor and Director far too frequently. I figured out I no longer fit the job, *deep sigh of relief*.

Here it comes. Brace yourself. I was trying to explain to my spouse my frustration that my department can't see or acknowledge the level of talent they are losing. I can't figure out why they kept me a month or why they failed to tell me when my last day was. I had to ask my new supervisor when I was to show up. All I got was 'you bitched about the job, now you're bitching about leaving the job'. Blink. Blink.

I found this sentence describing an abusive man in everyday life. 'He doesn't like having her appear in public as smart, capable, and interesting, because that collides with his deeply held belief that she is irrational, incompetent, and worthy of being ignored—a view of her that he many want others to share with him.'


Him and my managers. lol.

I'm A Fucktard

I unfriended Princess Bonnie today. I like to keep my Facebook for friends and family usually. Oh, well, live and learn. I saw the ecard above on her page. 

Yup, about me. I'm a fucktard. Several coworkers made comments agreeing and being supportive. Time to go. Plus, it is none of my business what she thinks of me. Jim Miotke says, '

"there is great power in the phrase 'what other people think of me is none of my business...because it has nothing to do with me. Honestly, that is the case almost all of the  the time. When people are being judgmental, when they get upset with you, so often it is something to do with their world completely and has nothing to do with you. Maybe there is just something going on in their personal life and there is a trigger and you happen to be the brunt of it...

According to Urban Dictionary, 

1. 'fucktard' is a contraction of fucking retard...

2. 'a person of unbelievable, inexcusable and indescribable stupidity. (Stupidity being defined as "knowing how and doing it wrong anyway"). NOT A CONTRACTION FOR 'FUCKING RETARD'! Those who are truly "Retarded" are not responsible for their affliction. True Fucktards are 100% responsible for their situation and provide vast entertainment as they are usually blissfully unaware of their own Fucktardery.

3. 'a person considered to be foolish or socially inept while also being irritatingly offensive.

I could see myself in the third definition. I have problems saying the right thing at the right time. At least I offered vast entertainment. Never unaware though. Blissfully would have been a blessing.

Maybe I should make an Urban Dictionary for Triggertard: 

'a person that has what is considered normal cognitive faculties but for whatever reason has opted out of using them. Instead goes psycho in a strong emotional reaction set off by words or image that reminds the person of a traumatic event.

Yeah, that would do it. 

Reflections

It felt good, real good. I was speaking to the Director over all the physician offices. She asked me 'where I was going?' How did she learn I was taking a new job? Several  doctor's offices had called to complain I was leaving. Yeay me! I explained I was going to learn the billing side of our office. She looked incredibly interested. So now my future boss definitely knows how valuable I am plus I am gaining a new skill her department needs. Double yeay me!

P.S. When the Director of Radiology heard I was leaving he remarked, 'Now Radiology is going to hell.'

This makes me angry. Why does my department make 'exceptions' for mediocrity and not exceptionality? Management allows slacker coworker to remain knowing of her errors, knowing I have a higher call volume because doctors' offices are aware of her mediocrity. Yet it would not be fair if I was exempted from having to register on my week. 

P.S.S. I have to put these things behind me.

Reflections

Living well is the best revenge against an abusive co-worker. I originally tore up her crappy little note, but had second thoughts. I carefully taped the pieces back together and made several copies of it. Revenge office-style requires patience, delicacy and careful planning. I knew somehow I could use it against her. I didn't want to appear unhinged or mentally deranged. It would do no good to go to my supervisor. Nothing would be done. 

Nothing was done about her very loud verbal attack on me or the resulting hospitalization. I posted her crappy little note over my desk. When I came in the next morning, it was gone. I put up another one. Under it I had a post it note with these words. 'I have endless copies'. The second one didn't disappear until midmorning. I put up a third one. Later that afternoon she was dealing with my bestie when she saw the note. She stopped in midsentence, speechless, then turned and muttered something about wishing our supervisor would do something about me. I chuckled. I fist pumped a silent woo-woo! It felt good to get a little back. I took down the sign. It was enough.

How Avoiding Bears Is Like Avoiding a Workpace Bully

Bears are large animals that can be dangerous and certainly deserve respect and caution. With proper precautions, a person's chances of a close encounter of the worst kind can be greatly reduced. Bullies are dangerous and certainly deserve respect and caution. Attacks are driven by the bully's personal agenda and actually prevents work from getting done. Here a four strategies on how to avoid bully bears. 

Basic strategies for bear safety:
1. Knowledge is power. The most important tip is to get information from reliable sources about how to avoid a problem with a bear - and what to do if you have one despite your best efforts. 

It is important to know which species of bear will be in the areas you are working in. Black bears and Grizzly Bears will react differently in the same situation: the Grizzly bear being the more aggressive of the two species. Office bullies create a dysfunctional workplace, says Gary Namie, a psychologist and founder of the nonprofit Campaign Against Workplace Bullying.The most destructive thing about office bullies is that they tend to target co-workers who are the best and brightest employees. 

"It's much different than school-yard bullying," he says. 'This target isn't the kid with the Coke-bottle glasses'. Instead, workplace bullies tend to drive out colleagues they view as threats: those who are technically competent, independent, possess good social skills, and have strong ethics...

Bullies, especially female bullies, are prone to isolating and excluding other workers – especially those that they feel threatened by. These bullies sometimes even have a following or a group of people that appear to dress, talk and act like them. Bonnie and Clyde. A coworker who is aware of the pair would like to take a new position opening but hesitates because she knows, ’there would be stilettos’ in her back’ from the interaction with them.

2. Avoid encounters with bears whenever possible. Like many other things in life, when it comes to bears a defensive bear will exhibit the signs of stress. They feel threatened by you and may be defending either a food source or young cubs, or are trying to establish dominance in their territory. 

For the same reason, don’t argue with the bully. To compete with a person whose mentality is based on making everyone else's life deplorable is like stooping down to their level. In doing this, we are exposing ourselves to open conflict and direct confrontation with them. This is what they want, a reaction, an argument, and a challenge. The office bully meets aggression with aggression. Stay calm and purposeful. Less is more.

3. Keep your distance.From negative thoughts that is. Do not agree with the bully's negative characterization of you. You did not invite the misery. No one in their right mind should ever believe the bully's lie that another person (you) deserve to be humiliated, intimidated, and abused. You did not ask for it. You did not wake up one morning and say that this was the day to be humiliated. You did not trigger this campaign of hatred. Targets tend to be reluctant to report bullying, primarily for fear of retribution, but also because they run the risk of being labelled a whiner or a snitch, or losing their job outright if the bully is their superior. 

4. Know how to react if you DO find yourself close to a bear. Different actions are also recommended for surprise encounters vs. an actual unprovoked attack. Attempt to measure the grizzly bears mood. Does the bear have its' ears laid back - sort of like an upset dog? 

Bullies feel in control when they intimidate others and they feel admired by peers when they act out. It is not so much the victim that gives a bully his or her sense of power, it is the reactions, or rather the inactions, of bystanders that feed the bully’s superior sense of self. 

The point to remember is: You are not powerless. You have many strategies—trying them can help. Targets who tell their story often face disbelief from coworkers, bosses and human resources managers. Others often assume that the abuse is petty or that the target is just a ‘problem employee’. My Director blames me as starting the abuse. I chose to get out. My health was more important.

Reflections

I am having a panic attack triggered by the crappy note left on my desk this morning by Princess Bonnie. I only have to get to December 2nd, my official moving day to the new job. One mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi... the days can't count down fast enough! My doctor is phoning a prescription for Valium to my pharmacy. I wish I was strong when jealous haters talk shit about me I just laugh. Join the fan club Bitch!

Practice Makes Perfect

From About.com: Getting out of an abusive relationship can be difficult, because your ex might try to hurt you or manipulate you into staying together. Use firm language, stay strong and end the conversation quickly. You don't owe them anything.

 

4 Tips for Every Breakup

• Always break up with someone as soon as you decide that it's time to move on. Don't let your relationship die out on its own. The longer you stall, the more painful the breakup will be for both of you.
• Always break up in person. It's plain rude to break up with someone over the phone (or worse, with a text).
• Never backtrack. If you know for sure that it's time to break up, don't leave the conversation in any other way than completely broken up.
• Realize that however you break up, it's going to hurt. Be sensitive and compassionate, but don't beat yourself up it. You did the right thing.

It was time, but it was a messy breakup. I couldn't tolerate the betrayal. Alcohol used to be fun. We enjoyed our time together but no longer. Menopause changes so many things. A little goes too long a way. I wake up with headaches and fuzziness the next day. It gives me hot flashes—annoying; and rapid heartbeats—uncomfortable. I have fluttering heart, what feels like missed beats, racing heart and pounding out of my chest heart. A recent echocardiogram, EKG, and a stress test has cleared me of heart problems. Ah, the betrayal. 

Tachycardia is the medical term for a rapid or irregular heartbeat. The normal heart rate is approximately 60 to 100 beats per minute. A heart rate over 100 can be considered rapid. (Mine likes to hover around 108 when this happens). It’s an arrhythmia. The most immediate way to deal with rapid or irregular heartbeat when it occurs is to try to relax. Avoiding stimulants can help, especially caffeine, alcohol and nicotine.

I told my husband of my decision. So a few days later he brings me a glass of wine. I’m like, what? I left it alone and finished cooking dinner. He got angry when he saw I didn't drink it. I reminded him of my reasons. He said it was good to get my heart pumping, like exercise. I responded, 'No, it’s an arrhythmia. It means an irregular heart rate. Not good.' Fine then, and snatches the glass away. Pout, mutter, plotting revenge.

The next day I am concentrating at the computer when he startles me on purpose. He does this regularly. I asked him to please stop that as I don’t like it. His reply, ‘Should have had the wine’.

Practice makes perfect. I will keep learning how to leave things behind. Leaving an abuser is hard to do, with time and planning I will succeed.

Humor Raisin

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood,it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass. 

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Hit the Road Jack...

I have a new job. Prayer works. I heard about the job on Wednesday, applied Thursday, interviewed Friday and aced it. I am waiting for Monday and the call from HR to make it official. Same organization. I am transferring from the front office to our off-site back office. I am so at peace. You know it's time to quit, when you end up in the hospital with heart issues because you had to go to work. I want to be inspired, excited to go to work again! I feel loss at leaving my bestie coworker, who jokingly called me 'bitch' when I told her I applied for another job. 

Things I will NOT miss: 

Jurassic Park. The Divasaurus. High maintenance passive aggressive coworker with authority over me. 

Slacker Coworker. In every workplace, there is always that one person who doesn't pull her weight. I am tired of fixing her mistakes, of doing her work because she can't be bothered, her using my brain because two years later she still does not know her job, and her bipolar moodiness. 

A Toxic Workplace. 

In her book, Toxic Work, Barbara Bailey Reinhold, Ed.D. describes ways an unhealthy environment affects your psychological and physical health. According to Reinhold, a toxic workplace is “when the demands of your job, and your response to them undercut the quality of your family life and friendships, you are robbed of the very things you need in order to be fully alive and most creative and productive on the job.” My health has suffered along with my attitude. That is why I got wrote up recently.

My Stalker. There is a coworker, male, from another department who is all together too friendly, touchy and possessive. I have attempted to alert management and it worked for awhile, but he is persistent. I put up with it because he is in a position to do me some harm.

Bonnie and Clyde. The coworker who put me in the hospital... oh wait, I didn't tell you about that, did I? I am still not sure what sparked it. But I set Bonnie off somehow, next thing I know her voice is raised and she is yelling incomprehensible things. Let me start at the beginning...

Once upon a time, there was a hard working servant girl. She was very intelligent and did most everything right. The King and Queen were happy to have her in the castle. There was also a slacker servant girl.

The hard working servant girl would point out to the slacker girl where she missed a cobweb or left soap bubbles on the floor. The slacker girl grumbled because she did not appreciate doing the best job she could for the King and Queen. She plotted ways to get back at the hard working servant girl.

One day, the slacker servant said Princess Bonnie needed the hard working servant girl to do something for her. The hard working servant girl was puzzled because Princess Bonnie always gave her directions in person. She went to Princess Bonnie and requested that Princess Bonnie not send the slacker servant girl, but please speak to the hard working servant girl in person.

Suddenly, the air took on an eerie glow. A cold wind began to blow and Princess Bonnie transformed into a wicked witch who hurled curses at the hard working servant. The hard working servant girl backed away, fearful, attempting to speak words that would send the witch away. The King heard the commotion and when he arrived the witch fled. All too late. The curses began to work on the hard working servant girl and her heart began to break. 

I ended up in the emergency room with chest pains. I was kept overnight hooked to telemetry. I have since followed up with a cardiologist, had an echocardiogram, a stress test, a sleep study, seen my primary physician a couple of times, and a counselor. Most of those bills will be written off due to my employment, but not all. The hospitalization was $8,500 (luckily wrote off). Management has done nothing I know of. Not one word from Bonnie since. She walks past me as if I am invisible. It has escalated to include Clyde. They are attempting to mob me with intimidation and isolation. 

ODAS. The four most hated words in the English language—Other Duties As Assigned. I now have one job to do. I will be the only one to do this work. I go into my space, do my job, and take my paycheck home. Heavenly...

 

It Wasn't Me This Time

I chuckled to myself all afternoon. For once it was not me rocking the boat. It was a 'good girl'. She did not want to register either. Ha! My supervisor sent out an intraoffice memo on the topic.

"One other thing to be mindful of, if there is a call in, it will alter the back up plan. Others will have to step up and help out. We've all been in that situation, whether sick or on vacation. This is a courtesy and expected of everyone. In order for us to provide good customer service, we all have to be back ups to keep our patient flow going....I hope I do not have to address this issue again. We are a team and we will all work as a team. 

Ha. There are only four people on that 'team'. The four of us are heartily sick of the teamwork.

Humor Raisins

 

Just another tasty ingredient in hermit cookies.

Ending My Membership

Maybe I am hateful...

I went to our video store to rent a movie. Was going to have a big bowl of cereal and a movie for a carbohydrate let down to the fight. I'm standing behind a woman with a stack of movies and CD's. The cashier next door invites me to come over to her. She takes my movie. As I move around the displays to the cashier, I find another woman ahead of me. And the cashier takes her first. This was not a quick sale. The woman wants to prepurchase a movie. I notice the woman with the multiple movies and CD's is now leaving the store. Then I notice a young man behind her (or the place I just had) is now leaving the store. My cashier says lamely, 'I'm sorry.' I take my movie and return to the first line muttering, 'I can't believe this. I can't believe this.' Except now the first cashier is helping someone on the other side of the cash register while I stand there and invites that customer to come ahead of me. Arggghhhh. I left the movie and left the store.

I must have some victim pheromones. Things like this happen a lot to me. I get abused, disrespected, taken advantage of and when I complain, somehow I'm wrong, out of control, nuts, a church lady, a bitch, anything but RIGHT.

I am so Hateful

I had a fight with my husband yesterday. I admit it--I snapped. He tried to help me and I did not want it. It was a straw on camel because I was stewing over a situation he put me in on Friday. A situation I did not have the chance to discuss because of the splish splash incident. He attempted to make me do something I don't agree with and he knows it. Well anyway, off on another topic. Same theme.

Saturday, he wanted me to watch Dark Shadows, the Johnny Depp movie (I hate Depp movies). I started it, he fell asleep, per usual. It had witchcraft and satanism in it. Practices my faith excludes. I left the room and went to watch Cupcake Wars on my computer. So we pick up the conversation on Sunday morning...

I mentioned we have different tastes in movies.

Did you watch the whole movie?

No, it had witchcraft and satanism in it. I don't agree with these things. This is not entertainment to me.

You need to know your enemy. You're being all church lady. (What does that mean?)

He spent several minutes telling me how 'disappointed' he was that I did not watch the movie. There was a theme he wanted to me understand. My stomach churned that he did not respect a core belief of mine. That he thought he could override it by angry words.

Later, he put on his shoes saying he might as well leave now (he had a job to get to) as he didn't want to be around me. I had yelled at him for no reason when he was just trying to be helpful (yesterday). I give him that. He then gave me a script I should have used to decline his help. Inside my head, my jaw dropped. If I tried that with him...He said I can be incredibly hateful. Again, jaw drop...

He was filling up some water jugs and I asked him if he was filling the up the batteries in the machinery he uses for work. No, I am filling water jugs. Sooooo an 'unhateful' answer... And then he just leaves without saying goodbye.

I know I should apologize, but it just feels like empowering his bad behavior.

Splish splash, I was taking a bath...

While I was checking dinner, my husband sprayed me with the kitchen hose. He laughed. Great joke. I told him I didn't appreciate being wet. He got angry.  

Him: Why? It's only water.
Me: It's cold and I didn't want to be wet.  
Him: O, Your Highness. Your Princess.

I went to change my shirt. He got angrier when he saw that. 
It was only water!
Yes, unreasonable me. I should have sat there in my wet shirt.

Pinocchio

Liar. Liar. It starts with 'the dog ate my homework' and becomes progressively more creative as we enter the workplace. How to get a day off without using valuable vacation time is the question. The answer is thirty excuses designed just for women. I scanned them for illness reasons because I don't become ill like many do. I wished I had a good ol' fever, rolphing, or a diarrhea dash. *Sigh*

 
 
 
 

For The Want of A Nail...

I asked my husband if he would run down to the corner store to pick up a gallon of milk with a free coupon. As he was soon leaving to do some errands could he could run to the store and back for me? Perfect. He refused. Nevermind, I got dressed. On my way out, he remarked, was I going for milk? I said I had to since he wouldn't. Oh, man that was a match to gasoline. A fountain of anger to the words of: He was not my puppy dog. I could get off my lazy ass and go do it myself. It wasn’t like I was doing anything. I got the milk. Did it end there? No. A Facebook message waited for me.

"Thanx for once again screwing up a perfectly peaceful Sunday with your selfishness!

 All I did was ask my husband to run down to the store for a gallon of milk as many other wives do. For the want of a nail (or a gallon of milk)…He doesn’t see the butterfly effect in all these small encounters. His anger is destroying this marriage.

PS Here it is now hours later. He is done playing very important Facebook games and is stretched out to ‘watch’ a movie which translates into 'I am going to fall asleep'. What about those errands he was going to run? He’ll do them later.

Humor Raisins

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Well Hell

This is the end of my Hell Week. Those 'other duties as assigned' have no option, must do duties. I've had insomnia and a lack of appetite. I spent the day with cramping in my bowels. I've been beaten, thoroughly defeated. 

My supervisor just can't understand why I am the only one that has a problem with the other duties. I came to the conclusion I no longer fit the job. Realization is peace. Imagine my wonder that the glorious internet had just what I needed. Yes to all five. Can I get an amen from the congregation? In Signs the Job No Longer Fits You, by Michelle Franklin, she writes

"It's seldom easy to decide to leave a current job. However, there are times when terminating current employment is the right thing to do. Maybe you are no longer satisfied with the work, or the culture of the company has changed significantly. It could be you are ready for a new challenge, or are simply ready to change careers. The following are some indicators it may be time to think about a job change:

You dread going to work. This one sounds pretty obvious, but when you are truly satisfied and happy with your work, you do not dread it. Everyone has an occasional day, or even a week or two, where work is not appealing. However, when this becomes the norm, it may be an indicator that it's time for a change.

The culture at work has changed and is now uncomfortable. In some ways, 'culture' has become a business buzzword, but there is still truth to the idea that the environment in the workplace can affect employees' happiness and satisfaction. When a company goes through significant cultural change due to shifts in leadership, focus, or goals, it can alter the environment enough to make employees unhappy. If your company culture has changed and no longer fits you, it may be time to look elsewhere.

Your job is no longer satisfying. While some jobs are naturally repetitive, a sense of satisfaction with your work is crucial to your effectiveness. When you no longer feel satisfied either by your work or by the results you achieve, you lose effectiveness at work and may not be fully engaged. Unengaged employees are not good for the company and are not happy with their work. When this occurs and you cannot find a way to reengage, it might be best to move on.

 You do not feel valued or appreciated. A paycheck is the main reason most of us work. However, this is not the only reason. People also need to feel a sense of appreciation for the work they do. After all, we spend more time at work than just about anywhere. If you do not feel valued during that time, it is difficult to feel committed to the work or the organization. Some jobs may provide a sense of value and appreciation through customer interaction. In other cases, this may be achieved through relationships with co-workers. In all cases, if you do not feel like you provide value, you may be prompted to look for something providing a greater sense of making a difference.

You feel burned out or cannot maintain work-life balance. Unfortunately, this is becoming more and more common as companies try to accomplish the same results with fewer and fewer employees. This means that employees left find themselves with increasingly heavy workloads, responsibilities, and assignments. You can only maintain a significantly increased pace for a while before you start to feel burned out with the work. You may still enjoy the work and find a great deal of satisfaction in it, but when work begins to take over the rest of your life, you may want to consider seeking something better suited to your long-term goals and values.

There are many obvious indicators to change a job. When a company is clearly struggling, a supervisor is difficult or impossible to work for, or other circumstances make it impossible to remain, it can be an easy decision. The signs above may be a bit more nebulous but are still valid reasons to examine whether it is time to look for a change.

I whisper I need a new crayon

The husband and I were invited out to the boss' home for dinner. Seems his new girlfriend is preparing a meal of delicious things to eat. It is to be a spaghetti dinner straight from the avenues of Sicily. Sauce simmered for hours with the tastiest ingredients, a secret family dressing to marinate the vegies in a traditional salad, and caponata with crunchy crackers. A feast of the senses. Me. The one gluten intolerant and reactive to foods. I don't want to be sick or offend, what am I to do?

My husband stepped in, funny how he didn't do any of this when we went camping with his parents, and spoke for me. The girlfriend was ever so generous and prepared a spaghetti squash instead of wheat pasta (she even purchased rice spaghetti if that were my choice). My mouth waters with the remembrance of that squash and meaty sauce. She even bought me rice crackers for the hors’d’oeuvres. I had no immediate food reaction. None of that instant nausea when wheat or it's many derivatives hits the stomach, but today the fibromyalgia is knocking on the door.

To 'be nice' I did eat foods I knew I was going to react to. How could I not eat her lovely red sauce on the spaghetti squash even though it has pork in it? I don't want to be the Spanish inquisitor for every dish being served. I live in a world that is so very different from the norm. I often feel like a bubble girl. I can see out and my world is wide and spacious with a thin protective barrier surrounding me. When others look in they just see isolation with cramped borders. It is that thin protective layer that causes the misunderstanding.

My husband did not understand that it is two hours past my bedtime, a bedtime dictated not by need for sleep, but by the need to be asleep before the pain begins, and my husband is still visiting and the burning ache is in my legs, and the hips are screaming 'enough', and I am missing snippets of conversation because the words are drowned out by twinges, I can't focus on anything else and I want to be home so I can privately moan when it is too intense, to change gravity by stretching on the bed that makes my nighttime bearable.

Wishing so very much to be 'normal' and just be in the moment. A moment not crayoned in the silver of pain.

Humor Raisins

Just another tasty ingredient in Hermit Cookies.

Man Overboard

Only dead fish swim with the stream. --Malcolm Muggeridge

I live in a simple world. If it is wrong, stop doing it. If it is broken, fix it. If it's a lie, speak the truth. Stupid is as stupid does. If you go along, you get along. Uh….. no. When we go along to get along, we begin to abandon our own principles and persona. I don’t want to conform in order to have acceptance and security. I want to fit in with my differences intact.

From Wikipedia: 'Solomon Asch conducted his classic conformity experiments in an attempt to discover if people would still conform when the right answer was obvious. Using confederates, he created the illusion that an entire group of participants believed something that was obviously false. When in this situation, participants conformed about a third of the time on trials where the confederates gave obviously false answers.' So agree to a lie and people will like you.

I picked up an upper respiratory virus while on vacation which showed up after I returned to work. Bummer. I needed to call in under the new policy which requires me to speak directly to either my boss or director. No more leaving a message or texting. I called my boss, left a message saying I was sick, and would continue to call her. After two more attempts to the office, one to her cell phone and one to the director with no answers I left another message. I admit it was a pissy message about attempting to reach them with no luck. Why make a policy without a way to successfully implement it? An hour later, I get a pissy call to acknowledge my pissy call. (Was that really necessary, Boss? Hope you feel better now.) When I ask what can be done in the future to reach someone, she says, leave a message. What? Forrest Gump would be pleased. Stupidity is based more on our actions than on the speed at which you think. 

My husband says I get in trouble because I ‘rock the boat’. I disturb the status quo. After eight years, I think I finally realize the boat is anchored. It’s not going anywhere. Time to jump ship.

Top 10 Advantages of Introvert

There maybe some misconceptions about Introverts. Is it that bad to be a Introvert? Introvert Advantages, a site for the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, has a list of top ten advantages of being an introvert, with a comparison of top 10 misconception about introvert. Here are the Top Ten Advantages Introverts Possess:

10) Work Well With Others, Especially In One-to-One Relationships
9) Maintain Long-Term Friendships
8) Flexible
7) Independent
6) Strong Ability To Concentrate
5) Self-Reflective
4) Responsible
3) Creative, Out-of-the-Box thinking
2) Analytical Skills That Integrate Complexity
1) Studious and Smart

We Have Some Very Angry Customers Today

Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.  --Dr. Buddy Rydell, Anger Management the movie

That would be referring to me. Saturday, I went to a well known pet warehouse to pick up some water purifier for my Betta, Ruby. I get behind an old lady with her old chihuahua in the child seat of a very full cart. She says, 'I'm gonna be awhile.' I see the other checkout line has a Closed sign, but a customer is being cashed out. I'm not sure what to do. The male cashier with the closed sign motions for me to come over. Before I could get there a couple walk up and he proceeds to cash them out. WTH? When the couple leave, I go tell the guy, 'You could have told them I was first.' (Remember, I want a fair world.) He takes my purchase hitting the register keys, slamming the scanner gun in the holster, and saying to the air, 'We have some very angry customers today.' WTH? I asked him if he had something to say and he walks off and leaves the store. Thankfully the manager witnessed it all. While the manager finished the sale he assured me he was working on improving things. It would get better. Nope, not in this small town.

So one day later I am questioning my actions. Did I do the right thing? I am learning how to speak up for myself, but was this confrontational, aggressive? Dr Phil defines the difference between being assertive or aggressive. Assertiveness protects my rights, but it doesn't necessarily infringe on the rights of others. Aggressiveness also protect my rights, but it also hurts someone else's rights. 

My scriptural thought for the day was from Proverbs 15:1. 'An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.' The practical application was if you find yourself in a tense situation and you sense anger building inside you, it may help to leave the scene, thus giving your emotions time to settle. If the one with whom you are speaking starts to get angry, make an extra effort to speak graciously. A cutting or aggressive remark would add fuel to the fire even if it is delivered in a gentle voice. (Proverbs 26:21)

I'm of two minds here. I think I was assertive not aggressive. On the other hand, I seemed to have caused some pain to that cashier. Did I add fuel to the fire? This grownup stuff just doesn't get easier with age.

Good Morning

My very helpful clueless husband jarred me awake this morning with 'Hey, what time do you have to be to work?' Argghhhhh....

Monday, Monday La la la la

It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays. —Anonymous

Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear...'Monday has been cancelled, go back to sleep.' I work for a small town hospital in the business office. With the economy as it is, work has changed. People have lost insurance, people are delaying seeking medical care, medical costs have skyrocketed, and work has morphed into Jerry Mcguire. Show. Me. The. Money. Try to capture the money up front since people often default on medical bills as if this expense was a whim.

♪A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound
A buck or a pound, a buck or a pound
Is all that makes the world go round ♪—Cabaret

I enjoy my job, except for the four most hated words in the English language,…’other duties as assigned’. I have ODAS in a five week rotation; every fifth week is Hell Week. Those duties held me captive last week. On what should have been my return to the world of light and air, I was cast back, a wisp, a shadow. My week was not my week. I was just filling in for the co-worker who went part-time. I would have to repeat Hell Week. It was not fair Lethe was unavailable to keep hell burning. I went to my supervisor to discuss the situation. If you want to get me riled, don’t play fair. Should I now serve double time because I happened to follow her in the roster?

‘When one acts on pity against justice, it is the good whom one punishes for the sake of the evil; when one saves the guilty from suffering, it is the innocent whom one forces to suffer.’ — Hank Rearden 

My supervisor had no solution for me. It was business as usual. She did remark, ‘Have you noticed when you wear brown you get agitated?’ What? Are colors arbitrary? What has a color to do with emotions? I had to find out…

From How Colors Impact Moods, Feelings, and Behaviors: 

"Artists and interior designers have long understood how color can dramatically affect moods, feelings and emotions. It is a powerful communication tool and can be used to signal action, influence mood, and cause physiological reactions.

I asked, does brown cause agitation? What have others found out about the emotion of brown? Rather than starting from scratch in putting together a plan for answering my question, I used the Internet to research.

• Brown is a natural color that evokes a sense of strength and reliability. 
• Brown brings to mind feeling of warmth, comfort, and security. It is often described as natural, down-to-earth, and conventional, but brown can also be sophisticated. 
• Brown is the color of good furniture and favorable smells thus imparting happiness. Amber, auburn, bay, beige, bronze, brunette, buff, burnt sienna, camel, chestnut, chocolate, cinnamon, cocoa, coffee, copper, fallow, fawn, old gold, hazel, khaki, lion, liver, mahogany, nut, ochre, russet, rust, seal brown, sepia, snuff, tan, taupe, toast, tawny, umber. 
• Brown can also create feelings of sadness and isolation. 

Hmmm, these are not words that rankle, goad or irritate. I had to test this. I resolved to wear brown for the entire week to see how things would work out. On Tuesday, I passed my supervisor in the hallway and remarked wow, it has been a day. She pointed at me and stated, ‘Brown’ and kept walking. Next day, I caught her leaving the building. She remarks, ‘Are you doing this on purpose?’ 'No, boss, why would I do that?' All the while keeping a straight face. Thursday and Friday, nothing. Perhaps my wearing of brown had created feelings of sadness and isolation for her? I think it was a great success. I felt confident and strong. What can brown do for you today?

‘Your mind is your only judge of truth–and if others dissent from your verdict, reality is the court of final appeal.’ — John Galt